From This Day Forward
by somewhere-there
Summary: When Yuuki, Kaname and Zero leave after the end of the anime, Chairman Cross remains to rebuild the Academy. For YenGirl. CrossxYagari. Rated M
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **This is a story for YenGirl as a prize for her wonderful review to "Picture Perfect" and her wonderful reviews in general.

She asked for CrossxYagari pairing and believe me – even if now it sounds more like YagarixCross, it _will be_ CrossxYagari where it matters – i.e. in the second chapter of this two(hopefully not more, though who knows?)-shot. The same second chapter will have an M rating, though to what extent I'm as yet unsure.

In more general terms – it takes up after the end of the anime (which is different from what happens in manga). Yuuki left with Kaname, Zero left alone, Yagari became the President of the Hunter Association because Cross, who was initially offered that position has flatly refused. I think it is all that is necessary to understand the setting.

**Edit: I have re-written this chapter somewhat, especially toward the ending, so please - check. And many thanks to (who else?) YenGirl for faithfully checking it for mistakes and typos!**

**Disclaimers: **I do not own not manga, nor anime, and none of its characters. I just borrowed them for a time to play and give back.

* * *

"Sulking much?"

The voice startled the person who sat on the steps, wrapped up in that incongruous green scarf of his, like a really big owl gloomily surveying the darkened garden, and for a first moment, when the words or indeed – the familiarity of that voice – didn't quite penetrate the man's thoughts, his instantly alert turning-around and springing-up motion carried the precision and grace of a born hunter… Only then - he recognized of course who his visitor was and the whole expected spectacle of domesticated clumsiness and whiny squeals kicked in with gusto…

"Ow To-o-ouga!.. I haven't seen you in a-a-ages!.. You should have called… I'd have cooked us a proper dinner tonight!.. Wait, I can still cook it!.. Come into the house, do!.. I've been missing you, like, ter-rib-ly!!"

"Really?"

Was it his own tiredness or just that the clownishly exaggerated act lacked conviction, now that the man didn't have an everyday audience to practice it on, but Touga found he didn't have patience for it tonight and the strength of his exasperation showed in the quiet but forceful way that he almost ordered now:

"Oh… cut the crap!"

He half expected Cross to take offense or to burst in those fake tears he used to pour so often in the olden times… He didn't expect him to just fall into awkward silence, looking up on Yagari out of slightly myopic hazel eyes filled with confusion and a little (but genuine) hurt… And it only reinforced the hunter's assumptions that his friend was not faring so good alone, and he was right in his decision to visit and check for himself.

"Uh... come on," Touga muttered somewhat guiltily, lowering himself onto the step where Cross had been sitting before, "can we just stay here and talk for awhile?.. I have almost forgotten how quiet and peaceful the evenings here could be…"

He felt rather than saw the other man sitting down as well - a little aside from him, and lit up a cigarette, not fearing the habitual reprimand since there weren't any students here to be endangered by this "unfortunate habit" of his.

"Troubles at the Association?" Cross queried tentatively when the silence lengthened and Touga still had not initiated the talk.

"Like there was a time when there weren't any?" Yagari chuckled and was rewarded by an answering chuckle from the older hunter. But the sound rang hollow in the quiet of a late August evening, and Touga was glad that he sat with his blind side to the other, as he fought that inexplicable pang in his chest…

He really should've come earlier… Never mind he was virtually drowned in his duties as the newly appointed President of the Association… Never mind it was all really the old man's fault – for dropping the appointment into Touga's unsuspecting lap when he flatly refused to have anything to do with "organization, which primary goal was hunting vampires", even though right now they were _finally_ truly only hunting the hopeless level Es and those of other classes that were confirmed as murdering criminals by the vampire society itself… Never mind it all… he should have come earlier… not after eight months, and then only because the previous day when he was driven to yet another "important meeting" and their car slowed right beside the Academy gates to let a few heavily laden trucks to pass inside he involuntary spotted the Chairman arguing with construction workers near the guardhouse – all this "fluttering shawl" and the jumping and the stomping and the… crap… but there was something oddly half-hearted in the whole act… as if the man lacked either stamina or will to immerse himself fully in his purpose…

The cigarette burned his fingers and he dropped it cursing softly under his breath, crushing it with the heel into the sand and gravel of the path. And as he turned a little towards Cross to check whether the other man minded him spoiling thus his so precious "grounds", he found Kaien watching him with a puzzled and subtly concerned expression… Was he acting so out of character he gave a reason for concern?

"Why exactly did you come here, Touga?"

Well, it looked like he was…

"Have you heard anything from the Kurans since they left?" He answered with a question of his own, the one that he meant to ask anyway, only somehow couldn't gather the courage till now… and the little gasp that the other man uttered, turning his eyes aside to hide a tinge of bitterness, told him that it hurt just as he feared it would.

"Oh, of course…" The Chairman muttered after a moment - trying to sound his usual chirpy self but not exactly succeeding. "There was a lovely present from Yuuki for my birthday – such a beautiful, beautiful cashmere shawl and a cute little card – I think from Agra… And Kaname had transferred the money for the rebuild once they reached London… and he also wrote me a letter, telling that though neither he nor Yuuki would be able to further attend, he still is all for promoting the co-existence and he hoped that I will reopen the Academy once the restoration is complete…"

The cheerfulness just seemed to seep away from Cross's voice more and more as he spoke, as if he himself could not help but understand how lame this excuse of a "correspondence" sounded, yet - as Touga uneasily imagined now – he must've read and re-read both little missives to no end, clinging to an illusion of contact… after all it decidedly sounded like he was quoting Kaname's style straight from the page…

"Have you heard anything from Zero?"

Even though Touga expected to be asked that… there was something touching in the slightly defiant manner the question was asked… true concern (he knew that Kaien was fairly dying to learn how his third and most volatile charge was doing in the outside world)… but also a hidden get back – daring Touga to prove if he did any better with all this "keeping in touch" thing… which he most certainly didn't… only used the unfair advantage that his position granted him, that's all…

"From Zero?" Yagari repeated. "And what do you think?.. But he works for the Association, of course, and that makes me his highest ranking official…" He chuckled softly. "So I can keep track _of him_, if not a contact _with him_… and ensure that he is continuously busy – which is the easiest way to keep that boy out of trouble…"

"Isn't it counterproductive in the long run? To have him constantly live with violence?" The Chairman asked, turning sharply towards the hunter and for the first time looking genuinely involved in their dialogue… which was an effect that Touga aimed for, even if he did feel unaccountably guilty because he had this opportunity – to still watch out for Zero, while the other man sulked alone, helplessly watching his charges drift farther and farther away.

"Could be…" He agreed mildly, "but then – according to the new rules we try to trace the origins of every level E we have to dispose of… and this information _somehow_ ends up where Zero can read it… so he knows they are mostly the remnants of the last conflict... and weren't created recently…"

"Really? There are no recents?" The faint incredulity in the question reminded Yagari that whatever the appearances – the man he now talked with was shrewder than most.

"There are… some…" He conceded easily. "But if it happens, the boy is elsewhere... and heavily engaged…"

He met the hazel glance squarely with a little apologetic shrug, but there was nothing but quiet understanding and reassurance in the other man's eyes. 'Don't expect me to judge you,' they seemed to say, 'we do what we have to…'

"I also lend him to the human police from time to time… in the spirit of co-operation… his vampire and hunter senses come handy in solving some cases… and I hope it rubs on him somehow that not only vampires can act like beasts…"

"So very pedagogical, Touga…" Cross actually giggled somewhere midst in his teasing comment, surprising the hunter into his own slightly embarrassed chuckle.

"Yeah, still trying…"

"Isn't it dangerous though?" the Chairman queried worriedly as his mind had no doubt drawn out the possible consequences of Zero participating in a police act. "What if the blood is spilled?"

"That's why there is always a person that I can trust on such assignments with him…" _And do you not think I would've thought of it before sending him?_ "And why they always have a pack of donor blood in the car freezer… The only time they used it though was for a transfusion to an abduction victim… Don't worry, Kaien, the boy is doing just fine…"

A light companionable silence stretched out between the two of them, filled by the little sounds of a late summer night in the country – the kind of silence they never had a chance or patience to share before. And even now Touga felt how it was slipping through their fingers like sand or water… or dust… or life… with such a gentle wistfulness…

"I wish I could see…"

"Are you terribly missing them?"

They spoke at once – and in fact about one and the same thing – yet something seemed to break almost audibly between them, and Kaien Cross hunched even lower where he sat, putting the hand to his forehead, raking it through his hair, long wheat-colored strands slipping right out the pony-tail to fall over his face.

"That's why you came, isn't it?" He asked softly. "To learn whether I'm missing them too much… whether I'm like one of those forty-ish house-wives whose children have moved on and who suddenly understands she hasn't had a life of her own…" He shook his head slightly, which only resulted in more strands falling out, completely obscuring his face. "Well, I am…" He admitted. "What now?.. Go on, tell me I'm pathetic…"

The painful despondency emanating from the older man's frame was so palpable that Touga had to hold himself firmly in check lest he did something stupid...

...like go and hug him tightly from behind and whisper that everything was going to be alright and that kind of sweet nonsense…

...like promise to go shake the damn kids and make them call him at once or better yet drag them here for a prolonged visit... futile – since they really had their own lives to live now, and it was time that Kaien also accepted that and moved on…

... like say something, anything that could be considered as pity – because, for one – it was miracle that Cross opened up to him at all, and that – he knew – was only because, in a way, he counted on Touga remaining his usual - somewhat distant, somewhat sarcastic - self, not someone who was likely to _offer_ pity, and because right now even a vestige of condescension could easily break what was left of his fragile pride.

"Would it help…" The hunter said finally, "If I said that you are?"

Cross sighed, but his back has straightened a little, and his eyes now stared into the darkness that quietly engulfed the grounds, not down on his knees as he answered with a hint of bitter amusement.

"Not much… but at least I'd know you're honest with me."

"Well," Touga let some amusement show in his own voice, "why don't you do what those forty-ish house-wives resort to, when they find themselves in a predicament you are now?"

"Which would be?"

"Ha! Like I would know!" Touga chuckled, encouraged by a definite note of tentative interest in his friend's voice… Maybe, if he just planted an idea… in a roundabout way… of the necessity to let the past go and move on... "Marry again and get a brand-new child?.. Find a job?.. Or just go on a romp and shag anything that moves like no tomorrow?"

An unmistakable little chuckle sounded from where the other man now turned to face him full on.

"That's what you would've chosen… that last bit about shagging… isn't it, Touga?"

His eyes were laughing but pain was still there – skin deep behind laugh. And still, in Touga's book, it was already a dramatic improvement…

"Yeah…" He drawled lazily, "that's most probable… or maybe the marriage and kids part… after all we both already have a full-time job… and anyway," he added with contrasting seriousness, "I wouldn't be…"

He paused, searching for words. What he wanted to say essentially was "I wouldn't be in this situation, because I never let myself get so close to anyone that losing them would hurt me so much", but it somehow didn't sound right… nor was absolutely true... come to that - there _were_ exceptions…

"You wouldn't be – what?" Cross repeated - all traces of amusement gone, just a tiny hitch on the last 'what' oddly stressing the even and listless tone. And Touga had an uneasy suspicion that his friend had misinterpreted his pause in the most unfortunate way possible. "Sulking alone… as a damn… forty-plus old… virgin… like I do?.."

He gulped sharply as his mind registered the freudian slip of the tongue, horrified paleness flooding the expressive face - only to be replaced by the deepest blush that Touga saw in his life – even on Zero – proving beyond proof that whatever other word Kaien meant to use (a timid "house-wife" again - most likely) his subconscious just played him up – substituting it with shameful, unadmittable _truth._

"Vir…virgin?" the hunter stammered, a little laugh escaping totally against his will – just a sign of his own embarrassment... But the sinking feeling inside his gut knew that in the state his friend was in _that_ would be misinterpreted too and cause an utter disaster…

"No, Kaien, wait…" he called as the older man straightened, turning towards the house, his arms wrapping themselves tightly around the stomach and chest - an instinctive gesture of shielding himself against the world, as the hunter well knew - but it still looked like Kaien was in physical pain, his voice usteady and rasping...

"Go on, Touga, laugh… Don't restrain yourself on my behalf… So now you know... it all... I will… just leave you alone… if you'll excuse me…"

It was final, he knew… He was losing his friend over a stupid laugh that was nothing but an instinctive reaction… over stupid misunderstanding… over…

"Please, Kaien, stop… listen to me!" He scrambled up clumsily, almost tripping over the folds of his own long coat, rushing up the steep steps towards the quickly retreating figure… "Please, listen to me!"

He only caught up with Cross at the very door, grabbing him by the shoulder to halt his flight. _Before he goes inside and slams the door right into my face..._

"Please, Kaien…" He pleaded breathlessly, but the older man, though forcibly stopped - didn't show in any way that he was listening, his shoulder rigid under Touga's hand, his whole frame trembling with compressed frustration and shame.

"I didn't want to laugh…" The hunter started slowly, soothingly… "Hell!.. I didn't mean to laugh!.. No, wait… Shit!.. I wouldn't laugh at you, Kaien… _ever_… unless it is that comic "house-wife-y" act that you pull for kids and strangers… but you really intend that for laughs and so that nobody would take you too seriously… uh… what I was saying..." he caught himself rambling - confused and mad on his own behalf as he currently was it was damnably hard to find the words... but at least the shoulder under his hand had relaxed a little, "what I was saying was... that I was _surprised_… that's all… I mean… I do understand in the last ten years – with Yuuki, and Zero, and the school… but back in your hunter days… you've cut such a damn fine figure… strolling around with that long sword of yours... and you were a hero… a mystery... the best of the best... both girls and boys must've been falling over themselves for a bit of your company… that's why I was… _surprised_… but that's all, I swear!"

He knew that it sounded lame and was preparing for the moment when the man he was holding would shrug impatiently under his hand, urging him to let go… Well, that was that… he tried… and failed... and what's worse - his efforts had hurt where he had intended to help...

But Cross did no such thing, he only leaned his head, resting it on the doorframe – as if he too – was counting the chances lost, and his voice when he spoke was full of bleak resignation, almost savage in its finality.

"Is it so surprising?.." He asked bitterly. "I was barely Zero's age when I first met Juri Kuran… And she was already… as she was to her death… as kind… and honest… and beautiful… a magic being that I couldn't possibly have… but does it ever stop the youth?.." He sighed and a little painful amusement at his own naiveté crept into his voice when he continued. "You're right of course, I guess I _was_ sought out – in those early days… and, you know what?.. it's not even that I refused the offers out of some noble notion – like not wanting to taint my love for _her_ with the lowly pleasures… I _killed_ _her kind_... how more tainted can one get?.. but the reason for why I refused was that in my haughty silly infatuated mind - I just didn't care for any of them _one hundredth_ of how I cared for her… and... I guess I was a little... scared too... so - it just... didn't seem worth the trouble...and by the time that the abstinence grew truly painful I didn't figure that I'd live long enough for it to matter… only it was she, who died… and after that - there was Yuuki… and Kaname… and Zero… and the school… and now they are not here… much as the "going on a romp" that you suggested is tempting…" Cross chuckled mirthlessly, and his fingers whitened where they held on the door. "I'm not _that_ naïve any more… who'd need me?.. who'd want me - now I'm forty-two… and totally unskilled – to boot…"

"I would."

It was the second time in this night that the words (or sounds) had escaped Touga's lips unbidden, and he reeled under the impact of this (second) betrayal of his instinct over mind, feeling the heat rising from under suddenly too tight collar and spreading over his one exposed cheek. Oh, right... and now Cross would think he had said it out of pity... and he would stomp inside... and shut the door in his face... and hurt like hell...

But it _was_ what he wanted. Simple and easy - it was what he _wanted._ _Such an old, silly, unfulfilled wish…_

And he gathered his courage and repeated – this time slowly and deliberately…

"I would."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **OK, I've re-written it, like, endlessly, and I still do not like it completely, but so be it. This chapter is not (yet) lemony, though it has some **sexual content** already emerging and it is obviously yaoi – so – beware.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, alerted or favorited this story, and most of all to YenGirl (and the unbearable hotness of both guys in Hino-sensei's manga) for inspiring it in the first place. By the way - those of you, who like this pairing and for some reasons still haven't read the wonderful stories by YenGirl herself - "Brief Reflections" and "Brief Reflections: Missing Scenes" - I totally recommend them as a different and absolutely brilliant view on the relations of our favourite hunters.

And more still thanks to YenGirl for beta-reading this chapter and correcting my typos/mistakes.

**Disclaimer: **Touga Yagari, Kaien Cross and the Academy grounds most assuredly do not belong to me.

* * *

"I would."

He felt the shoulder under his hand raise and lower in a soft sigh, and a little smile, a tender little smile of somewhat exasperated understanding was clearly audible in Cross's next words:

"I really appreciate, Touga, that you would say so, but you needn't… I'm alright now…"

'He thinks he understands me so good,' Yagari thought bitterly, 'He thinks he knows what made me say what I said." It shouldn't have hurt so much, but it did. It hurt to the point where he was afraid that he would say something rude and unforgivable, something that would inevitably cause his already so fragile friend even more pain…

Crap!.. In the area that they had entered now – _he_ was the more experienced, the more mature, _he _was supposed to be so much more used to being accepted _or _rejected, and it was _he_, who needed to act with utmost care towards the other man… yet _he_ felt entirely ready to shake Kaien forcibly if only to make the older man _look_ at him, _see _him and not _assume_ any damn fool thing…

Something _conscious_ - deep beneath all the whirling and twirling emotion on the surface crying for rejection and hurt – acknowledged silently that the plan as such was good… yes, to make the man see that he truly meant what he proposed, yes, to lay himself bare before him – figuratively if not literally…

…_and if he still chooses to reject you then – I hope that you can take it with good grace…_

Ah… but if he wanted to do it right – in a reasonable and mature fashion, not forcing Kaien in any way – not through force, nor through pity – he so needed to somehow, anyhow _calm down first…_

"Let's go inside," Touga suggested, marveling at how tiredly even his own voice sounded despite the tempest within. His hand too, was firm but not cruel, as it wrapped around the older man's forearm, dragging… no, leading him inside his own house and, when he heard the front door close behind them with a sharp click, further into a spacious dining room… only to leave him there, staring in mute incomprehension as his 'guest' went brusquely further into the room and opened the upper door of the cupboard (where - as Touga remembered from his previous visits here – a bottle of wine was perpetually stored, used sparingly for Christmas and other 'special occasions').

It was still there, just as he suspected, and he poured himself an ample swig, downing it in one long and shaky gulp, then poured some more and sent the glass skidding across the table to where Cross stood.

The older man though didn't move to pick up the glass but instead viewed the wine with quiet but disconcerting suspicion, as if its presence upon his table somehow personified the sudden change in Touga's attitude, and he wasn't sure what to make out - either of the hunter's actions of but a moment ago or the heavy silence that hang in the room now as the Damocles' sword uneasily suspended over his lowered, completely confused head.

Touga felt somewhat calmer at last - whether for purely physical action that eased away part of the tension or for the wine that – though it was nowhere enough to make him even remotely drunk – still settled as welcome warmth over the nervous queasiness in his stomach. He also felt more determined now to see it through – for better or worse, very conscious that the relationship they had shared beforehand was already forfeited beyond repair… and if something different could grow instead… ah… it was anyone's guess…

"Look at me, Kaien…" He asked softly, his eyes searching through the wheat-colored strands completely covering the Chairman's down-turned eyes, as he lowered himself on one of the chairs, crossed his legs, but left the hands lying calmly on topmost knee, despite the sudden urge to cross them protectively over his chest as the other man had done just a pair of minutes ago.

Yep, he was ready… but it was damn hard! He sighed, closing his eye for a briefest moment, before he once again directed it – as reassuring as he could muster – into the shaken and questioning hazelnut depths.

"Tell me again," the hunter prompted in the same even and soothing voice, though it was difficult to work it around the growing lump in his throat. "Tell me, what you just told me… outside. OK?"

"Outside?" Cross asked uncertainly, as if what happened outside was something that he had already forgotten or he was unsure what _exactly_ part of their previous conversation he was now asked to repeat.

Eventually though, his gaze slid sideways - unable to meet the unwavering glare of Touga's single eye (so deeply blue in the bright electric light) as he started to repeat slowly but steadily. "I… I really appreciate what you told me back there, Touga… And I do understand that you wanted to comfort me… but…"

"Do you?" The question fell into the lengthy pause as a stone into the crystal calm of the lake – making Kaien's gaze stray back to the hunter's mercilessly illuminated face and latch onto it - slowly filling with a different kind of confusion, his breathing hitched at mid-word, and the tip of his tongue running unconsciously around the suddenly dry lips, opened in a soundless "O".

Damn it was _hard_!.. Touga felt his own breathing grow shallow and quick at that sight and fought the urge to lick his own lips that suddenly seemed as dry and parched as a sand-paper… Crap!.. He closed his eye, but the expression on his friend's face just now had burned its way into his retina, and there was no escape…

"T-Touga?" Kaien's question came almost whispered in a small and stammering voice. "You… you didn't really mean?.. I mean… you couldn't have meant it… ow, shit… I mean… eh… could you?"

Touga ran the hand through his thick and tousled hair gripping them tightly on the back, the strong pull somehow helping him to maintain the remnants of his composure, yet he seriously wondered if the sarcastic smirk that he attempted looked just as lame and strained on the outside as it most certainly _felt_. His voice too came out dry and brittle and utterly devoid of sarcasm…

"What… if I did?"

_So… well… it is a point of no-return I guess… _

"But…"

He noticed how confusion was slowly replaced by an expression of unabashed surprise on the older man's face… and his own heart felt momentarily lighter now that everything was finally out in the open… before it plunged right down into an ocean-full of cold water as the thought that never ever had even entered his mind before - did so now… right!.. the best possible moment!.. oh hell… but what if?..

"That is…" he mumbled half-unintelligibly feeling a dark blush of uncharacteristic dismay flood his face, as he forced himself to continue, "If you do not find male-to-male relationships disgusting… uh… in general…"

_He only ever mentioned he loved Juri… and that's a woman if a vampire… what if?... what if?.._

"No-no-no," Cross shook his head urgently, his cheeks growing rosy with unavoidable blush, "it's not that… I mean, I do not have any… any… eh… preferences…"

…and Touga felt how the breath he was unconsciously holding released in a short gasp…

"But I…," the Chairman continued in a voice tinged with a contemplative wistfulness that seemed a very encouraging sign to the hunter's ears… "I know of your reputation… you… they say you need only ask… uh… that you can pick whomever you choose…"

"So I can," the hunter acknowledged simply. Sure, he could, but the game of picking had grown old for quite a long time already, and he let the pause lengthen, wondering if the implication of 'I can and right now I _have_' would eventually make its way into the older man's mind.

"Then… then I cannot believe that you would choose to take me…"

Ah… the wistfulness was there alright… but the pained and dejected tone with which Cross infused the latter part of his sentence ripped right through Touga's composure shredding it to bits.

"Actually," he blurted, "I wanted _you_ to take _me_!"

Yet again tonight – the words left his mouth with a savage force of their own, and yet again – he was equally shocked himself – but knew them instantly for the deep unacknowledged truth that they unmistakably were. He, Touga Yagari, who officially always… _always…_ preferred to top… well, he could… occasionally… allow a female companion to ride him silly… but with a male… hell, the idea hadn't even _appealed_ to him _once_!.. no-no… he freaking preserved his ass like it was some freaking _sacrament_!..

But that was that… He _wanted_ Kaien Cross to top him… no, crap… to completely _own_ him – in any way that he wanted… and in a way – though it wasn't something he'd say to Kaien… not right now at least - it made such a perfect sense, was so absolutely, _poetically_ fair – that Kaien's hated virginity would be traded over for the only virgin part he had in himself…

"But.. why?!" The strangled whisper from the other side of the table shook him out of his… well… shook him out of wherever his imagination had inevitably led him – and back to the reality where his dream partner was positively quaking in his boots.

_Why…_ yeah… that was one interesting question…

But maybe… yes… maybe if he looked deep and far enough – it all really stemmed from that… maybe that was what needed to be explained even if he chanced completely freaking the other man out – when he understood how long and sure Touga's affection really ran…

"Ah… I will tell you a story… I do not know if it will explain to you why… for me – it does, but…" He closed his eye, and the angles of his undamaged half-profile softened imperceptibly with a nostalgic glow of times long past.

"There was a young boy, who wanted to be a hunter… which wasn't really strange, cause he came from the hunter family of long tradition, now was it?.." He leant on the back of his chair, and his finger unconsciously ran along the edge of his patch as if to remind himself how far he was now from that - so innocent - kid. "He didn't want to just be an ordinary vampire-slayer though, he wanted to be the best… you know why?.. because wherever he went, he heard the tales of one "legendary hunter" – a youth just a few years older than he was – but who was already beyond comparison… the creme of the crop… the legend… oh yeah… and maybe," he chuckled softly, "if this young boy was good enough – he hoped he could be a companion, a partner for this legend… he didn't hope for more…"

Touga heard a strangled gasp from where the person he was telling it to now stood… but he didn't dare open his eyes and look at Kaien… not until his story was told…

"When he was sixteen…" He continued not allowing himself a moment to stop. "… his teachers took him for his first real mission - there was a level E reported, hunting the edge of the city where they all lived… simple task… so they left the boy where they thought he would be the safest - guarding the entrance, as they went into the building where they suspected the lair was… only they miscalculated… or maybe it was but a coincidence… a second vampire appeared on that same street, and the boy barely had the time to aim his gun when a perfectly human figure merged into a monster before his eyes – and slashed his arm, ripping the gun away from him…" He sighed – after all those years he still cringed at the memory of how little he had been prepared for his first real fight. "He knew he was going to die… there was no other weapon, and without it – what chance did he stay against the fangs and claws and inhuman speed… yet – even as the vampire lunged – someone jumped right before it from the second storey of the building… slashing the vampire in the air, making it evaporate in a cloud of vile dust… and when he landed – from where the young boy crouched by the wall – he looked so… beautiful, I think, is the word… outlined against the sun, awashed with the light of it, even the dust of a slain vampire settling as light-infused snow all around him… the ultimate epitome of power and grace…" He sighed again and continued in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "If that young boy dared speak to him… if he but dared to ask… he could have followed this man to the ends of the earth and then forward… but he dared not…"

Touga opened his eye finally, grey-blue now and filled with tenderness and hope and wistfulness all his own.

"I guess this young boy… is still there somewhere …"

Kaien's head was lowered again, the heel of his hand pressing into his forehead in the most desperate manner, thin golden spectacles hanging precariously in the other hand that clutched at the edge of the table as if all his slight frame was suddenly too weak to stand on its own and needed support.

"Touga…" He almost moaned with that little shake of his head that was half earnest incredulity, half shameful regret. "Touga… surely you know by now that that… that '_hunter demigod_' that you thought you saw then… _he is no more_… if he even was there… ever… if he wasn't just a pack of damnable lies…"

Painful as it was for the hunter to watch the anguish so visibly wrecking the other man's body it also served to clear his mind, only strengthening his decision to somehow convince his friend to do it, and do it _exactly_ this way that he envisioned now, because…

...because the vision of… what?.. _hunter demigod_?.. oh yeah… burnt bright before his mental eye, so beautiful and savage and _innocent_ in the single-minded determination… and he craved this strength, this power and this grace – the only person that he could bow before, the only man he could allow himself to be dominated by…

…and because – looking from outside, which was always easier – he knew that it was this same determination that drove _the Chairman_, and that made the existence of this very place possible against all odds…

…and because he hated the submissive, clownish, pitifully non-threatening persona that his friend donned (as Touga had grown to understand all too well by now) not only for the others' sake but as much if not more – for himself – separating his present existence from the past he abhorred…

It would've been so much easier for Touga – to choose the domineering, the active role. With his experience – he could have literally swept the other man off his feet, he could entice and seduce him, could make him beg, could make him... _happy_… but it would've only pushed him deeper into this hatefully submissive womanish role…

And – the fool that he was – Touga wanted to make his friend _whole_… He knew that he himself was a pretty simple person. He did what he had to and never looked back. He knew that vampires were dangerous, even the best of them, and that's why he didn't trust them… even now. But he lived to his own rules, and those said "keep your guard but judge and act fairly". And if he made mistakes, he paid for them – sometimes with his blood, sometimes with a feeling of deep and acute guilt. But then the new day came and he stepped over it and went on. He simply didn't have it in himself to cause so final and seemingly irrevocable a _division_…

But he needn't experience it to know that it was _wrong_. Even if denigrating himself in such a manner was his friend's way to atone for whatever his past misdeeds – the atonement should be complete by now. The world itself had changed – not in a little way due to his friend's effort. The vampires and people were learning to live with each other. And it was time that his friend accepted this other part of himself as well – not as something worth only disgust and rejection, but as something integral, and beautiful – yes, the strength, and the violence and the determination… too dangerous to let them fester without expression… too beautiful to completely ignore…

"Last time I checked," he said in the calm and steady voice, carrying a curious mixture of light amusement and deep concern for his friend, "around eight months ago… this _demigod-_guy that you've so rightly named him… he was still there… and you know what, Kaien?.. He isn't all _bad_. There is nothing wrong – in you being him…"

He saw a tentative, hopeful straightening of Cross's shoulders, the tear-filled eyes searching troubled and myopic for the trace of pity and condescension in his own face, the lips getting ready to speak – to disagree perhaps? But he motioned slightly for the other man to remain silent – he hadn't finished yet. He didn't want to prolong this _agony_ any longer…

"Do you abhor me too, Kaien?" Touga asked softly. The steadiness of his voice was the hardest thing to maintain – _ever_, his eye closing of its own volition, because he didn't want to see the honest reaction, not really… He'd settle for the final decision, but that was as much as he could ask of himself now… Strong as he was determined to be – for his friend's sake – he too could only bear that much… "Do you? I _am_ a hunter. I killed vampires too. Many of them… The fact I'm not doing it now is due to my being burdened with all the paper-work that comes with my position, but I order others to do the killing, I order _Zero_ to do it…" He gulped, but the constriction in his throat was not going anywhere, not so easily… "I wish…" He continued hoarsely. "I wish I was that young boy for you… that I had been then… Young and innocent and unmarred… But I'm an embittered hunter… disfigured and scarred through and through… That's what I am… So, please, accept or _reject_ me, but do decide!.. Because I… I'm all yours…"

His whole chest was constricted now, the breath coming in sad, little, pitiful gulps… God!.. and Kaien thought that it was _he_ who was pathetic…

"Touga…" The soft voice sounded as if the person who spoke stood much closer now… right _beside him_, in fact… "Look at me… please?"

He opened his eye slowly, almost reluctantly, suddenly eager to cling to the agony of suspense for just a little longer rather than face the subtle decisiveness he heard in Kaien's tone.

Well, Cross stood beside him alright… His face was set and somber and serious – the face of… uh… _demigod…_ the face he had when he had been preparing to fight the invading hordes on that fateful winter day eight months ago… but when his half-closed eyelids lifted as well, the gaze that met Touga's own was filled with emotions: resolve and hesitation, fear and hope, all twirled in the hazel depths in an endless turmoil, but something underlying – above and beyond all this – was the soul-deep all-consuming tenderness that drove a nail of almost painful desire right into Touga's gut.

"I…" Kaien's voice trembled a little half in embarrassment, half in amusement. "I'm not even sure I know how to do it properly…"

"It's alright, I can show you."

_And the perspective alone can make me finish before we ever began…_

Damn, but it was hard to sound reassuring when one was so damnably aroused… and the sheer sense of relief was doing nothing for his composure right now…

"I…" The hesitation still lingered but a soft blush of answering desire was rising up the older man's cheekbones as he continued. "What if I bugger it up completely?"

Touga shrugged a little, his own amusement kicking in, yet he made a half-hearted effort to keep it at bay for the sake of the other's still fragile self-assurance. He… sort of… eh… still remembered how important it seemed in his own… eh… early days…

"We'll try again."

"But don't you have to…" there was a little concern darkening the hazel eyes now, "…rise early to return to Association in the morning?"

"Actually… no…" Touga felt he was blushing guiltily – for what reason he really couldn't explain – maybe just because the vacation he had finally claimed took on the new enticing perspective now. "I took a week off from work… I didn't plan it… so…" He hastened to explain, anxious for his friend to believe it wasn't some kind of plot on his part. "I've just been working without taking as much as a day off for almost seven months now… and… well, hoped you could lend me a room somewhere here… for the old-times sake… I… well, shit!.. I wanted to be with you… as a friend at least… but I…"

"A week-off? Then you won't be leaving tomorrow?" The wonder-filled delight in the other man's whisper made Touga cut short his already desperately convoluted explanation and grip his own thighs tightly…

_Damn, man… __**contain yourself**_…

"Touch me, Kaien", he half-commanded, half-pleaded urgently. Oh God… he needed it now…

Cross's breath hitched softly, coming in shallow, irregular gasps, but as his eyes darted almost fearfully to where Touga's desire was all too obvious even though he had tried to shield the area with a fold of his overcoat before – the hunter couldn't help but chuckle around his own painfully held breath.

"No… not there, you fool… at least - not yet… just anywhere you want to…"

The hazel eyes darkened further – so serious, so intent on contemplating the task… then his right arm lifted tentatively, hesitantly… to bury the fingers in the thick mane of Touga's hair, combing them from the side of his face…

"You know…" The older man's gaze seemed distant, totally enraptured for the moment… "I always wanted to know how they felt… Touga?.."

The hunter had lowered his head fighting the tingling sensations Kaien's slightly shaking fingers were sending from his nape right down his spine but he lifted it back now.

"Yeah… what?"

"Before we… proceed…"

He couldn't tell that he didn't know what was coming – he knew. He knew when Cross's fingers fumbled with the buckle on the back of his head. He knew as he felt the leather sliding away from his face. But he sat frozen. Even his lips froze before a 'please, don't' moan could form on them…

He knew it looked ugly – a shrunken empty socket where an eye was supposed to be, crossed by three puckered scars… He couldn't understand what morbid fascination could possess Cross to want to look upon it. He could hardly bear looking at it himself when he put back the patch every morning… It was one thing to accept it consciously – as a small price for little Zero's life… It was another – to live with it – day by day – facing his own hideous disfigurement in the mirror…

…and then he felt a soft brush of tender lips on his scar-crossed brow… and his breath hitched… and the only thing he could think was 'Good thing he hadn't kissed me _in_ there… I wouldn't have been able to bear if he had kissed me _in_ there'… and his eye that he didn't remember closing flew open to drown in the soft compassion and understanding clearly written on Kaien Cross's face.

"Before we proceed…" The Chairman repeated, his arms encircling Touga's shoulders now, bringing his head closer to rest on Cross's coat, as if he knew by whatever instinct that the younger man would feel easier with his face covered for now. "I do not mind your scars, Touga… They are _you_… They are you, and the only way in which they matter is the pain that you had to bear… Otherwise – they do not matter at all."

_Shit!_ He wasn't going to sniff, he wasn't… Instead, Touga uncrossed his legs and brought the other man close, flush against his body – letting him feel his need, letting him feel his urgency, hugging him tightly around the midriff, burying his own trembling and frenzied form into the answering embrace…

…_Everything…__ to be near this impossible… this incredible man… everything…_

"God, Kaien… don't you think that we should discard at least our over-coats… _before we proceed_?.."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **I have been procrastinating with continuation of this story for so long, I almost came to doubt I _would _continue it, but here I am now - giving you the new chapter, and lol – the boys still haven't gotten to actual lemons in it, though they made some notable progress (and I promise I won't let them – and you – hang on this cliff for too long now).

**Huge thanks to YenGirl for beta-ing and generally (pushing) inspiring me all along.**

**Disclaimer: **Cross Academy belongs to wonderful Matsuri Hino and Yagari and Cross belong together (well, at least in my fic).

* * *

Jacking himself off in the guest bathroom was a cold comfort, even though the shower Touga was standing under was warm against his naked skin. Doing so under a partially truthful and yet so blatantly false pretense of feeling dirty after his trip from town felt deceitful towards the very host he intended to bed later. Even obscene – because it was the said host's face, the said host's hands that he imagined on his skin while pumping himself furiously…

_Furious… is what Kaien would've been if he knew…_

But Kaien was not furious, that's the hitch… Most likely than not, he was now flustered and jittery preparing for the continuation of what they started back in the living room…

_Or maybe already chickening out and looking for an excuse…_

Yes… yes…

_Aaahhh!_Touga leaned on the wall of the shower-stall, knees buckling from his release.

Yes, he probably shouldn't have left Cross like this, shouldn't have left the older man a moment to think better, but by the time he escaped it could've finished for him with the first touch in the right place, could have blown up in the wide blue yonder before it even began – and he was sure that at this moment in space and time it would've more likely scared the other man rather than fill him with confidence that _that_ was the effect he had on Touga's body, that _that_ was the power he held…

And Touga was determined to make this night perfect for him. So then…

_So in the end I'm doing it for his sake__…_

But not only…

Vigorously rubbing his hair with a dry towel, Touga had to admit that he too felt pretty jittery on the inside. It was bordering on ridiculous, in fact – almost as if he too, was a virgin…

_Yeah, sure… let__'s laugh at that together, guys…crap…_

Then again – when was it last that he cared, _truly_ cared how he performed? Sometime in his early twenties, perhaps, when he thought he was in love with that huntress-chick? The one that he actually _dated_ for all of three months? Or at thirty two – when a sharp claw of a level E narrowly missed his balls, leaving him with a jagged scar down his thigh and two months of shock induced impotency, until a very, _very _skilled with his mouth intern showed him that there was in fact no damage done where it mattered most?

_Oh, s__nap out of it already and go find him before he bolts…_

Touga wrapped the towel around his hips and looked at his own face in the slightly steamy bathroom mirror. Sure enough, his one remaining eye looked back from the misty glass with a wild and almost frightened expression…

_G__eez, do not let me fuck up…_

He sorted through the bottles and tubes on the shelf below the mirror: shampoos, conditioners, bath salts in odd flavors – leftovers of the previous occupants of this room. The closest he found to what he needed was some kind of night cream, smelling starkly of violets…

_Just great… Remind me again, why don't I carry plain ordinary lube around__?.._

Apparently because he never bothered… with women he didn't need it, and those men who sought him out usually had their own… Well, even though he somewhat shuddered at the idea of smelling like violets, it certainly beat using something bubbly and soapy… and not _really_ better in the fragrance department…

There was another thing he had left to do, though. Bending down, Touga searched through his things lying in a heap on the bathroom floor… Right… here it was…

The nimble fingers put the leather patch firmly in place almost automatically and he felt marginally better. Cross might accept him with scars and all, but _he_ needed any bit of self-confidence that he could find now. Maybe later… Maybe sometime later… when he himself could look at his own reflection without flinching… but not this night… definitely not this night yet…

_Hot damn!_

Distracted ramblings of his mind ceased abruptly as he froze as he was – bent double over his own rumpled clothes - hit by the sudden realization that he had absolutely no idea where his duffel bag with all the things he had brought for his long awaited weeklong vacation at the Academy could possibly be now.

He vaguely recalled looking into the unlocked house before going back outside in search of its absent host, he even could recall the exact words he uttered then, cursing the man's lack of self-preservation habits, leaving his door unlocked like this for any miscreant in the country to enter even without a need for "breaking" in…

…_could've been a level E too, and what would the fool do then – without his sword?.._

…but, nah… level Es acted on instinct, like animals, and that would've warded them off from a place that for them smelled strongly of a hunter permanently residing here, whether the man himself liked to acknowledge himself as one or not…

But the bottomline was – that must've been the moment when Touga dropped the duffel somewhere, yet he couldn't remember whether it was in the living room, or just by the door, or even outside on the porch…

And _naturally_ the excuse of having a shower _had not_ had a chance to evolve into a thought of having a fresh change of clothes – given the haste of his retreat…

'That leaves two options open… right, Touga old boy?' he thought wearily, straightening up and leaning his naked ass at the edge of the sink. Either he could put back on his old, dusty, rumpled and now also somewhat wet clothes… well, jeans if nothing else… or just wrap himself in a towel – not all that big, but definitely clean (if even more wet), and hope he didn't bump into Cross before he found his bag…

Now again – this was starting to get ridiculous… Just what _was _so terrible about bumping into the other man with only a towel around his hips? _Especially_ considering the kind of activities they planned to engage in directly after? Darn it, what did he _have_ that the ex-hunter hadn't already seen? In the olden days, they could've easily ended up bathing together in the common showers at the Headquarters, washing off the grime and dust alongside another half a dozen hunters just returned from a lengthy assignment…

Only they had not. Touga was positive he'd have remembered it if they ever had. In the end – sour and still grumbling at himself for his utter stupidity – he chose the jeans anyway, _solely_ because they had a pocket that the violet-smelling atrocity would fit into…

_Sure… of course…__why the heck else…_

What Touga certainly didn't count on was bumping into Cross _that_ soon… uh… finding him inside the guest bedroom that is, just as he stepped out from the bathroom… and for a moment all the dark haired hunter could do was just blink stupidly, clearing his eye from the steam that had followed him into the cooler air before the door at his back shut close with a loud thud.

Cross had clearly only entered a moment ago – Touga's duffel in one hand and a pile of bath towels in the other, and he had apparently taken a shower too, all wrapped up now in the oversized bright-rosy robe with a smiling kitten head on the pocket…

'What is with this man and kittens?' Touga chuckled quietly around the first shaky inhale that had followed the initial shock, feeling the warm and shivery knot of affection congeal around his solar plexus at the adorable picture right before his eyes.

No, really. Cross looked _adorable_ like this, all perplexed and blushing, with wet hair tucked carelessly behind one ear and hanging in a limp veil on the other side as he studiously avoided looking at Touga directly, not an easy task since the bare wall that he faced instead offered little in the way of distraction.

"Ah!.. Eh… Touga… I… eh… found your bag," Cross stammered out finally, as the pause lengthened and Yagari still failed to speak out first. "And… eh… I wasn't sure I had put any spare towels in here…" His eyes darted furtively towards Touga, never making it higher than his bare feet, long, long legs in tight-fitting jeans, and, yep, a bath towel casually held by tanned fingers… "I… eh… I see I had…" He finished lamely, the blush now almost rivaling the color of his robe.

"Well then, just drop it somewhere, will you?" Touga's voice sounded careless and gruff even to himself, and it made Kaien look around in something akin to panic as he searched for a shelf or a chair, or something to put the bag on…

…but damn, it was immeasurably hard for Touga to keep his hard won composure around the other man…

_Composure? No kidding, you had one?_

…and not just draw him into a bear hug and kiss him silly, and have him in the bed and squirming under Touga's caresses all in less time than the pile of towels in the ex-hunter's hands needed to finally overbalance and drop onto the floor…

"Kaien! Towels!"

The warning came too late, or maybe the warning was what only triggered the events to move faster – the flutter of the falling cloths and the dull thud of his duffel hitting the floor as Cross let go of its strap (which was what Touga had intended for him to do to begin with), and both of them crouching on the floor barely three feet apart from each other – Kaien's hand reaching somewhat apprehensively to the smaller towel that lay right by Touga's toes, and the latter's attention totally diverted by the view that their current position allowed – one pale knee and a part of a slender, equally pale thigh covered with fine, sparse and faintly gold hair, peeking out of the half opened panels of the robe.

_Were the hairs _there_ as soft as the ones on his head? Or were they wiry and resilient?_

The desire to pass his fingers slowly along the partly exposed thigh was breathtakingly, mouth-dryingly strong… But damn, the man wasn't even looking at Touga properly. His posture was tense and his other hand squeezed in a nervous fist upon the knee… would he appreciate the caress?.. or would he just bolt away as the frightened hare he currently so resembled…

Bracing himself, Touga took a deep breath and willed his hand to brush over the knuckles of that tight fist instead.

"Kaien?" He asked carefully in a low and encouraging voice. "Eh… look at me?"

The hazel eyes finally turned straight to him – myopic and longing and confused, but shining with painful honesty, and Touga almost trembled at how the ex-hunter's lips seemed to wrap with tentative tenderness over the sound of his own name.

"Too-uuga…" The eyes tried to stray again, but returned at once, a little, tremulous, self-deprecating smile turning up the corners of Cross's mouth… "I… I lied to you, really… I was… g-getting t-too… starting to… think t-too much… back in my room… so I… came here instead…"

The man was probably unaware of his own actions altogether – of the way his own hand had released the knee and was now clutching at Touga's fingers, the thumb rubbing fiery little circles onto his palm… but it was that very hand that Touga now tugged at gently, moving closer to his friend and wincing half-heartedly at the loud crack in his own knees, as they protested against the uncomfortable crouch…

"Well," he asked simply, because frankly, anything more refined was way beyond him after a confession like this, "you are here now… why don't you kiss me, Kaien?"


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Oh well it's not all yet, are you happy? Or will you call me a tease again? The thing ıs I'm ın a foreign country and experiencing all kinds of littie bugging Internet problems - like keys being in all the wrong places (the real bitch is an "i" without a dot they have the same place where the capital "I" and that comes out as a weird "y" when uploaded) and such, and I'm actually writing it with pen and paper first (and it suxxxx) - so I am feeling fairly proud and accomplished at turning out at least as much...

**Warning: **It gets lemonier... or maybe not...

**Dısclaimer: **Don't own either of them, though I wouldn't say no if they offered, lol...

Many thanks to wonderful YenGırl who found time to proof-read it even midst publishing her own story.

* * *

He almost expected Kaien to hesitate or to turn away again, but the other's face looked serious, brows pulling together in this endearingly concentrated expression, and he leaned forward, almost eagerly, his lips landing on Touga's own - tender and tremulous and asking to be explored...

_Yes, Kaien, yes..._

Their current uncomfortable position prevented their bodies from coming flush against each other's, as the hunter would dearly wish them to, but maybe it was better this way - taking things slowly, a step at a time...

... definitely better, and faintly novel too, his distracted mind acknowledged distantly, even as his lips gently licked and nibbled on Kaien's mouth, the tongue probing cautiously for the entrance - not pushing, not insisting on anything, but rather - enticing the other to take the initiative, tingling delight coursing along his veins at the hot strawberry-flavored sigh against his cheek and the growing push of the other's tongue into his own lips...

_Yes, Kaien, you set the pace - it's all for you..._

Yet he wouldn't be himself if he could resist the opportunity to prod Kaien along - just a little... So his hand lifted to cup the back of the blonde's head, tangling in the pale silken hair - not so much pressing forward as holding it in place, while Touga's mouth temporarily abandoned the lips, tracing a line of short tender kisses along a flushed cheekbone, tugging on the top of the earlobe - cool and a bit salty initially, but soon growing hot with both his affections and the ex-hunter's involuntary blush... before he half-whispered, half-growled, so low that his breath barely teased the light-brown tresses around the ear, "Kaien... I lo-oove strawberries...", and felt imminently satisfied by the audible gasp and a soft tremble passing over the other's body...

"T-touga..."

Huh, if the aim was to prod, the mission was surely accomplished successfully, since two hands gripped almost viciously onto his shoulders, pushing him backwards, ripping his mouth from its little pastime of nibbling on Kaien's ear, only for it to be claimed within a moment by a hard, demanding, absolutely wondrous kiss. No foreplay this time, this kiss aimed straight for the kill, the tongue pushing its way inside to clash with Touga's own in a war for dominance that Touga was in fact all too eager to surrender to, making _him _groan this time as the awareness of the other's awakened desire flowed like molten lava through him to settle as a hot heaviness inside his groin.

_Ah, Kaien... way to go, man... don't you stop at that..._

Stopping certainly seemed to be the last thing on Kaien's mind... that is if Touga _was _wrong and Kaien indeed _could_ think right now and wasn't so altogether caught by more primal needs, firmly blocking even a possibility of thought...

_And all for the best too..._

No, he didn't seem like he'd stop until they both suffocated from the sheer lack of oxygen in their lungs, and he was bending over Touga too, bending Touga more and more backwards, so that now their chests were pressing together as well, the plushy robe sliding against his nipple both arousing and irritating to Touga's senses - he would've certainly preferred for it to be skin on skin....

_But it can wait until later..._

Even with all the hormones flooding his system though, there was something nagging on him, like a tiny alarm going off inside his brain, something was not right - but his mind seemed all too eager to ascribe any discomfort he felt in the... eh... nether regions... to... well... feeling aroused while crouching in tight jeans being not the most comfortable thing to begin with... so it wasn't until the muscles around that old scar tightened in earnest that he knew that his body was set on giving him one nasty surprise.

Loath to give up the kiss or alarm Kaien unnecessarily, he tried to ease the leg a bit by carefully lowering the knee to the floor, but just as he suspected - it was no good. The only thing that could help him right now was if he stretched the leg completely or...

"Aaargh!"

The pain that shot outwards from the cramped thigh passed through his body as an ice-cold lightning, making him fall clumsily sideways, only barely landing on his elbow instead of head-first into the wooden bedside, his other hand clamped tight over the offending thigh...

"Ow... holy crap... ow fuck!.."

"Touga! What's wrong? What can I do? Touga!"

Words didn't penetrate the pain-induced haze immediately, but the arm that embraced him without hesitation, hefting him upward and into a more comfortable position, leaning him onto a warm and surprisingly stolid shoulder, most certainly _did_...

_Isn't it telling, how Kaien didn't hesitate in the least before embracing me right now - when just a moment ago his hands dared not wander lower than my shoulders despite the passionate kiss?.. Doesn't it mean..._

But frankly he was not sure himself whatever it meant...

"Touga!"

_Right... shouldn't scare Kaien..._

It took an effort to pry his hand from where it hurt, yet he knew it was a damn right decision, when Kaien trembled softly, leaning into his touch, even though the blind desire in the ex-hunter's eyes was fading quickly, giving way to genuine concern.

"It's nothing, Kaien... truly, nothing," Touga hoped that his voice sounded reassuringly enough. "Just an old wound acting up... let's say, crouching is not my forte now... but I was going to suggest that we move it to somewhere more comfortable anyway..."

"Idiot!.." Cross humphed almost perfunctorily, grunting a little as he helped Touga up and onto the edge of the bed. "Such an idiot, Touga..."

"Why?" Touga asked quietly, bending to rub the thigh and silently admonishing the darned leg for breaking such a perfect moment, he now knew not how to restore. "Why would I be an idiot, Kaien?"

The ex-hunter lowered himself on the side of the bed as well, pushing the blonde strands behind his ears so that he could watch Touga contemplatively without having to fight them every minute.

Actually, the pain had subsided considerably once the leg _was _stretched, and the aftermath of its passing (and the close proximity of the cramp's origin to Touga's balls) made it a strangely pleasurable sensation.

Still he remained as he was, glancing at Kaien from down there patiently and rewarded by the answer to something that sort of intrigued him all along - that is - whether Kaien wore anything under this robe of his... Well, now that it opened with the efforts, Touga could see that indeed - he was... simple grey-striped boxers, surprisingly kitten-less... 'Ah!' He chuckled to himself, 'Do they even do male underwear with kittens?'

"I must be going crazy," he informed Cross and universe in general, but mainly Cross, of course... "I was almost expecting your boxers to be adorned with kittens as well..."

"Ah," the blond pulled the panels closed, but more out of habit than because of being discomfited by Touga's prying gaze. "Yuuki used to love kittens when she was younger, and I... sort of got used to them...

"And you are an idiot, Touga," he continued getting back into more serious mode, "because you admonished me to no end about holding my feelings and urges inside... unless I'm all mistaken, of course... and look at you, putting all this brave front for my sake, when I know for sure you were in quite a great deal of pain..."

His eyes looked into Touga's remaining one with forceful sincerity, making the latter straighten and even hold his breath a little for where it all could possibly lead.

"You don't need to hide from me, Touga... I'm not a... a blushing virgin... oh hell, o'key, I _am_ a virgin..." _And you actually blushed..._ "but I am also a... a..."

Kaien's speech halted painfully and he almost jumped when Touga's hand curled warmly over his own unconsciously clenched fist.

"Say it, Kaien," Touga prompted gently, "What you were going to say - 'I am a hunter just like you'. Say it..."

He almost pitied Cross now, as he watched the other's Adam apple move sharply up and down again in a dry gulp. He pitied him - yet at the same time wished with all his might for Kaien to accept the undeniable truth of it, as if it was the only thing that could help salvage what remained of this night.

"I am a hunter - just like you," Cross admitted finally with a quiet sigh. You don't have to pretend before me, Touga."

"Well," Touga shrugged ruefully, "it _was _painful... but it is as I told you, Kaien, - just an old wound... and it only cramps once in a while, thankfully... if I stay crouched for long..." He shrugged again - a forced lightness too habitual to overcome at once. "I should've remembered it beforehand... before we started... but then - I... I forgot..."

_...because you kissed me like your whole life depended on it... 't was you that made me forget all outside my own name and the strawberries on your breath... and the only thing I'm sorry about is that broken mood..._

_...but, ah! that would be a wrong thing to say right now..._

He didn't look at Kaien... well, not on his face at least... but truly - every part of the man filled him with deep fascination... take his cris-crossed ankles... and how his feet looked so slender besides Touga's own... and the toes on them seemed to curl and uncurl in rhythm with ex-hunter's thoughts...

And since he didn't look at Cross - it was wıth total surprise that he sensed the bed shift as Kaien's weight slipped closer to himself and it must've been because of that surprise that he felt so oddly vulnerable under the gentle touch that traced the edge of his eye-patch, then moved to the one wound that Kaien remembered as intimately as the person who cleaned and bandaged it only could - the one in his shoulder - inflicted by Ichiru's sword, then - lower still - to a long puckered gash right over the nipple...

"So many scars..." Cross said in a soft and despondent voice, the blond head lowering sadly, till the forehead rested trustingly on Touga's shoulder. "So many times you were hurt... please, Touga, be more careful when you hunt... I couldn't bear if you were hurt badly again..."

_Ah God... ah... fucking crap..._

Seemed it was the hunter's turn - to stretch his neck ın search of a shaky gasp - the combination of words and caresses affecting him on so many levels it wasn't funny...

_God, man... would I scare you if I clung to you like a child?.._

_..._but even as he fought back the lump in his throat, his hand was moving of its own volition, trapping the other's fingers, holding them in the place where they belonged - flush over his skin... Touga's voice, when it came, sounding hoarse and strained, soothing and demanding at once...

"Ah... I'm an official now, remember?.. I do not hunt... I'm safe, Kaien, I'm safe... as for the old wounds... kiss them better for me... ah... in fact..."

His hand fumbled momentarily with his jeans zipper and then he was standing, getting his jeans down clumsily and one-handedly, his other hand still loath to let go of the fingers it painfully clutched... And he didn't, didn't let go of them... not until he scrambled back onto bed and lay himself stretched, lay himself out as a sacrifice or a feast - completely open, completely vulnerable - to make... or take... or break... hıs body tense and shivering with something more than simple desire, something much more raw and potent - coursing through his whole being in brutal waves, making him close his eye in shame over how his own whisper sounded - so childish and needy...

"Touch me, Kaien... Trace all my scars, if so you wish... or... just touch me wherever you want... wherever you want _me_ to touch _you_... be with me... be with me, please..."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** This was one long, long wait... so, thank you for everyone, who still follows my stories, and special thanks for those, who keep prompting me to continue with them!

Believe me, it was as long a wait for me - writing it literally a couple of paragraphs a day - for sheer lack of both time and strength (summer season in tourist business is a constant adrenaline rush - exciting, but at the end of the day you are drained dry), so let me lay out my further plan of action for you: this particular story is only one chapter short of its finish (I know I ended this one on... well... a cliffhanger of sorts, but frankly I couldn't bear it without feedback anymore); then there is "A Peculiarly Pureblood Problem" that has maybe another pair of chapters in it, and that I want to finish shortly as well; which will leave me with "Solitaire" that still has quite a long way to go, and after (or maybe even parallel to) finishing the former two stories I plan to update it regularly. Besides that, I have a plot bunny for a longish (or so it seems to me now) AU Kaname and Zero story that can be considered a preface for "Picture Perfect" and "A Peculiraly Pureblood Problem" (though it is darker and angstier than them) and will deal with how the boys got together in the first place. I even have a tentative title for it "In the Abscence of Something Vital" (which, as you can guess is Yuuki, and - no, she isn't dead, just, well, abscent), so I'm pretty firmly set on writing it - I only need more time. Many apologies for the three people still waiting for their prizes - but I hope I can somehow fit them in between other updates. Keep faith in me and eventually I will produce!

My deepest apologies to everyone I owe reviews or answers to their PMs or their reviews, I will try to work my way slowly through all the pile of "to do's" that has gathered by now (but unfortunately "slowly" is for now the operative word).

Many thanks to YenGirl for as usual promptly correcting the typos for this new chapter!

**Warning:** This chapter and the next are express lemon and yaoi. I somehow doubt that those, who dislike it do read this story at all - but still. You've been warned.

For **disclaimer **see earlier chapters.

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Once again – Touga didn't know what kind of reaction he _did _expect from Cross – incomprehension or even indignation, maybe? What was he thinking, really - taking the _friendly concern_ that the ex-hunter expressed as an invitation to… to… well, something it wasn't _meant_ to provoke… And for a torturous moment, Touga's mind filled with apprehension and shame – lying there completely exposed like that…

What he _didn't _expect was a look of breathless wonder bordering on child-like _delight_ that colored Kaien's cheeks with a soft pink blush, as the older man climbed completely onto the bed as well, kneeling at Touga's side. And that look alone was enough to make the hunter's nipples harden into tight nubs and the muscles of his stomach ripple and contract in pleasurable anticipation.

_Ah… Kaien… see… one look is all that it takes…_

"Li…like this?"

A hesitant yet oh so determined finger traced over Yagari's collarbone and down the midline of his toned chest to stop level with the nipples. The hunter couldn't stifle a rather shaky sigh as he pushed himself up on one elbow, his other hand taking the unresisting wrist and leading the finger towards the dark-brown nub that the other's gaze seemed already latched onto.

"Yes… yes, Kaien… exactly like this…"

The blue eye closed momentarily, and the hunter's neck stretched in another unsteady inhale, as the finger circled the nipple a few times before rubbing softly over the hardened core - Cross's face enraptured and his own breath quickening in kind at the way that Touga's body answered this simple caress.

"You can kiss the other one," Touga suggested huskily, the barest hint of amusement in his voice at a somewhat anxious glance that darted to his other, currently unattended to nipple.

"I… I may?"

No, really… the man was _adorable_ – dismay mixing with fascinated eagerness on his all too expressive face, the lips opening again in that irresistible 'o' in preparation for the task…

It was a quick peck – rather than a kiss, and Cross looked up at Touga's face to check if he was doing it right, before he bent down again and the rosy tongue ran ever so lightly around and around again…

"Toooouga…" Cross breathed out, and his voice hitched sharply on the last 'a', as the hunter tugged at his forearm, bending him further forward and into a scorching, passionate lip lock…

_Ow… oh… shiiiiiiit…_

Yagari couldn't stifle a heartfelt moan, as – involuntarily of course – the hand that was working his nipple slid downward to rest flat against the hunter's abdomen, and his cock seemed to take it as a direct encouragement, stretching out as if presenting itself for an easy grasp.

Kaien, in his turn, jerked aside, when he felt something warm and _living_ move outside of his vision and nudge against the inside of his wrist.

"Oi… ooow…" The ex-hunter's cheeks turned a most becoming shade of crimson as he stared transfixed at this _hard_ evidence of Touga's arousal – rather like a reverse image of a fakir with his snake.

_Seems things are escalating rather… rapidly… and I haven't even got him out of the damn rosy thing… never mind the boxers…_

"Hey…" Touga teased the older man gently, pushing himself up further into a sitting position, and tenderly removing the blonde tresses that once again have fallen over the ex-hunter's face. "Don't look at it in such a manner… surely it's not much different from what you have yourself?"

"It's not that," if possible Cross's blush only darkened in answer to his teasing, "ah… I just… thought how better…" His hand clamped over the engorged rod, tugging on it somewhat awkwardly. "I… the… the angle is _odd_… ah… I… never did it for anyone but myself…" The ex-hunter hung his head low, mortified by having to admit to something like that… though it sort of came as a matter of course with him being a virgin...

"Ng-never mind then." It was an effort, you know, to try and sound soothing, when someone fisted you - even in such an inexperienced manner, yet Touga could not allow Kaien's insecurities to break the mood. From how they kissed earlier, it was clear to him that there was a wealth of pure, unbridled passion locked in there somewhere and in his book, it held much more value than pure skill ever could. After all – skill was something acquired… while passion… passion was a gift… it either was there… or not. And maybe… well, maybe it was time to prod Kaien a little in the right direction, even if it meant that Touga would have to steal the initiative for a while.

Cupping the ex-hunter's head, he brought it back up, placing a quick, gentle yet urgent kiss on that cutely pouting mouth. "Let me return the favor first…"

_Ah… hmm… wish he wouldn't take it as a signal to stop immediately as if the thing was scalding hot to his hands…_

Subtly frustrated, Touga still smiled softly into the hazel eyes that gazed up at him in confusion and infinite trust as he hooked his thumbs under the plushy collar and proceeded to move the robe downwards, slowly revealing the lightly tanned and surprisingly smooth shoulders.

No, really… the man's prowess as a hunter was legendary without doubt, but – scars _were _an occupational hazard, something that you just couldn't avoid, not altogether, not after ten plus years the man had spent in the field before wrapping his sword for safe storage and opening the Academy. Yet – there were none. No scars, not even a birthmark or a trace of former teenage acne – Kaien's skin was completely, absolutely blemishless… Not _really_ surprising, if one considered it seriously, but _mesmerizing_ in the extreme, and Touga paused to admire the newly revealed wonder of the ex-hunter's body, while Kaien fumbled nervously with the knot on the robe's sash.

He didn't mean to be caught staring, no… in fact, he was planning to go on and continue his sexual assault… eh… hmm… that is – to continue the _prodding_… almost at once… It was just the lousy timing that made the knot give in to Cross's efforts at this particular moment, that made the ex-hunter glance up to catch him still with this half-puzzled, half-transfixed expression all over his face…

"No scars, right?"

There was an abyss of self-loathing, no, self-_disgust_ in the quietly spoken question, and Touga tried his best to concentrate and answer as calmly and matter-of-factly as he could.

"Any strong hunter can feel it in you, Kaien… the blood of a pureblood that you had once drunk… My guess would be that Juri gave it to you at some point... to heal you from some grave injury, most likely… I only didn't know that it could smooth out even the older scars…"

"Any strong hunter can feel it…" Cross repeated listlessly, "Aaah… Touga… if they _knew_… if _you_ knew…" He closed his eyes for a moment to brace himself and continued with painful decisiveness of unloading it once and for all, "She was pregnant… and I tried to kill her… in a fit of insanity borne of all the hunters' prejudices and my own frustrated rage… her, the kindest person that I knew among humans and vampires alike…" Kaien's voice hitched and he wrapped his arms around himself, as if the blemishless expanse of his own chest was too much of condemning evidence. "I suppose… as a _hunter_… I should be flattered that she saw enough of a threat to her unborn baby in me to provoke her into violence… and then… she still said that she trusted me… and gave me her blood… and before I knew, I was as I am now… really, Touga… I'd rather still have my scars!.."

The gentle hazel eyes looking on Touga filled with tears of bitter remorse, and… ah!... it explained so much… like, why Cross was so relentless in his efforts towards the cause of co-existence and the success of this Academy that had been so dear to his pureblood princess's heart… Or like, why he worried so greatly for Zero, seeing his own history repeated with uncanny detail in the fate of Touga's unlucky apprentice… but, damn, this was not a time for ruminations like this…

Tenderly yet firmly, Touga gathered the trembling form into a close embrace, kissing the tears away before they had time to spill, "Ssshhh, Kaien… ssshhh… even if you were guilty before her once, you have long atoned for that guilt with all the care and protection you gave to her children… She would've been proud of you… eh… grateful to you, if she knew… And I… I'm glad that she has given you blood, because you are…"

…_beautiful?... exquisite?… perfect?..._

All the words sounded way too feminine for Touga's liking, and there was nothing feminine in the body he held in his arms… Usually hidden under decidedly womanish apparel, Kaien's body was in fact… well, boyish, maybe… narrow-hipped and light in build that it was, the undeniable muscles that enabled him to swing that long sword with such an easy grace being of unostentatious, sinewy quality… as if the vampire blood that he had drunk had not only removed his scars but also frozen him in the same twenty-something form he had been at that time… And yes, in Touga's eyes he seemed all the more beautiful, somewhat exotic and infinitely enticing… but being unable to utter either one of those words, Touga settled on showing the ex-hunter all that he felt, showering him with kisses, licking and nibbling, and sucking, and touching, and tickling his way down Cross's body, hoping that his open adoration would superimpose itself over the self-rejection of the older man and somehow wash it away…

If so – his tactic had certainly proved to be a success, for by the time his tongue delved into the hole of Cross's navel and his fingers found their path to graze up the inside of Kaien's thigh, the ex-hunter had most certainly forgotten all of the dark memories, his breath coming in audibly uneven gasps and his hands roaming around Touga's back in uncertain feverish circles, and when Touga finally cupped his sacs, running the heel of his hand up and down the fully extended length, he felt the older man's body buck right into his palm, with something that sounded midway between a moan and a breathless encouragement.

Kaien's fingers dug into Touga's shoulders, bringing him up and he complied eagerly, only for his mouth to be the target of an immediate and sweet assault, interspersed with urgently murmured pleas, "Do it… ah… do it again… ah… please, Touga…"

"Do what, Kaien?" Yagari asked teasingly, "this?" Wrapping his fingers around Cross's leaking cock, he started to stroke him in a slow, relentless rhythm, occasionally running his thumb across the super-sensitive ridge on the back of his arousal and relishing the way the ex-hunter's back arched and his head tossed helplessly from side to side with each provoking caress.

"Yes… yeeees… aaahh… yesssss…"

In the state he already was, it was oh so easy for Touga to drive Kaien on and on and over the edge to a blissful release, and a part of him was certainly cheering for this solution, urging him to either continue fisting the older man until he came, or bend back down and discover just what reaction he could reap if he added his mouth to where his hand was already pleasuring Cross quite successfully… and still it was _not exactly_ what Touga had in mind for this day…

What he _wanted_ was to also grant Kaien the sweet sensation of burying oneself in the other's flesh, to be, in a way, both a man and a woman for him and somehow make up for all the lost chances and bitter restraint the ex-hunter suffered from in a one mind-blowing go. Ambitious plan, yeah… but then Touga knew it about himself, this propinquity to never do things half-way – even to the detriment of himself…

Drawing Cross into another kiss that was intended to be tender and soothing but somehow ended in a passionate battle of tongues all the same, he stopped with his pumping and held the older man a little apart from himself, despite the whimpering protest and the other's attempt to buck and shift and squirm closer for a contact.

"Ssshhh, Kaien… ah… give me just a moment…" Touga bent over the edge of the bed to retrieve the box with violet-smelling whatever-it-was out of his jeans (lying there in a haphazard heap together with towels) and cringed at the musky stink of the darned flowers as he got a hefty dollop of it onto his index finger.

'_Ow… crap…_' Yagari cursed inwardly as the cream tried to smear itself in all the wrong places before he even brought it near to his own entrance… how had Kaien said it earlier?.. the angle was definitely _odd._ Besides, he once again felt like a complete idiot – gingerly inserting _his own_ finger into _his own_ ass – all under the somewhat glazed if decidedly interested stare of his highly aroused companion…

_Ah… __This is most certainly a first…_

It didn't help that the watching blonde chuckled merrily at the sight of Touga bent over and prepping himself with an expression of utter concentration he could have borne when… say… readying his weapons for a difficult hunt… but got back serious pretty soon under the death glare that the dark-haired hunter shot in his direction. "What, Kaien, wanna help me do it? It's usually the one who's got to top, who prepares his partner…"

To his credit, Cross only looked taken aback for a moment, and then he nodded with eager readiness, "You'll have to tell me what to do, but I… uh… I hope it isn't that difficult…"

Well, yes… it wasn't… in fact, the hunter has lost count of how many times he'd done it himself, but now that he was on a receiving end, he couldn't help but be a little apprehensive about the whole experience… Yet – hell, it was Kaien's day and seeing as he would be entering in there with more than just a finger quite soon… Without anymore words, Touga simply stretched the box towards the older man and leaned back onto his elbows, bending his knees and spreading them as wide as he could for an easy access.

Cross turned the box in his hand, smelling the contents, "Why… it is mine!.." he proclaimed with surprise. "Yuuki borrowed it and never brought it back. Was it in the guest bathroom all this time?" A little hesitantly, he smeared the cream all over his finger liberally, and slowly pushed the very tip of it into the tight ring of muscles around Touga's entrance. "So… Like this?.."

Surprisingly – whether because Touga had already succeeded in stretching it somewhat, or maybe because the ex-hunter's finger was thinner and less callused, or – maybe again – because Touga himself was not bent over in a strange pose, but comfortably reclining, concentrating exclusively on making his body relax – the finger slid in much easier and Yagari sighed in relief when all he felt was just a vague discomfort like what you would feel… well, like you would feel if there was someone's finger within your ass… and deeply…

"Good," he commented, "now try to add another finger and scissor them like this…" He demonstrated the motion with his own hand, with Cross looking at him all the while, almost as an attentive student toward a lecturer in class, blissfully unaware of the distracting twitching of his own finger still buried in Touga's intestines.

Two fingers were… well… worse… and three – made Touga grit his teeth for a moment as his body tensed involuntarily, protesting the stretching, but he bore it stoically and gradually his insides relaxed, making room for the intrusion - especially after Cross had managed to touch upon _that_ spot. It was unintended, of course, but in his painfully-stretched and almost-thinking-better-of-the-entire-idea state, the electric jolt of pure pleasure seemed to shoot from Touga's groin right to his head, leaving him thinking in disjointed wonder, '_So this is it… this is what I've been hearing all of them beg for…_' and almost making his single eye water with the sheer relief.

"Eh… Touga?" Kaien looked a little jolted by the sudden arching and moaning and… well… not to mention that Touga's previously almost deflated member stood at attention again… It was something he did, he was sure, and he looked almost smug as, biting his lower lip in concentration, he tried to repeat exactly the same motion and was rewarded by the hunter once again thrashing and bucking deeper onto his hand… Yes, he thought he had figured it… And he seriously intended to do it again and again…

"Wa… wait…" Touga stammered unsteadily, sitting up and almost emptying the box onto his hand. "I… ah…" He wanted to kiss Kaien, but felt it hard to find the breath for it after the intense sensation of but a few moments ago, so he just leaned into the crook of Cross's shoulder, while his well-lubed hand gave the ex-hunter's length a few strong, rejuvenating strokes, quickly succeeding both in thoroughly covering it with cream and bringing the man himself back to the peak of arousal. "I… ah… think… that you can… try it now…"


End file.
